No Pretense

“He always assumed their friendship was contextual. He wasn’t sure how real their offer was, so he declined”

“No matter what gets damaged, life has a way of rearranging itself to compensate for your loss” - A Little Life, Hanya Yanagihara

Leaning into love. In a way that has impact. I know the words, but the actions aren’t present. I know the idea, but the feeling has no spirit. What does it mean to remove yourself from a pedestal and sit eye to eye with people. Not an exaggerated, outstretched fantasy of a person. Built by context clues, social status, and local story. But for who they genuinely are. To say, “I’m going to listen to you without reflection on myself, and with deep intent to see you”.

I was messaged by an old friend today. They let me know they desired a more profound and deep connection. And to reignite what was lost in years of focusing on goals, career, and creation. This made me nervous. I don’t love that my initial reaction was nervous. But the first quote above from A Little Life made me realize. I’ve always believed that everyone who knows me, knows me contextually, and that context is my only value. If I wasn’t offering something more than myself, it couldn’t be enough. If we aren’t creating, if we aren’t challenging, if we aren’t engaging in anything, then I am nothing. Once the well is dry, I won’t be of use anymore. My function is purpose. And without purpose, I am disposable. I do not seek kinship where I can exist as myself. To sit and do nothing, to have no goal, to have no plan. What would it look like to sit and enjoy the presence of another, with zero pretense?